what is the difference??...i am more on the highlander side

neither.
subaru outback will do everything they do, but get better fuel economy and be more manouverable.

do you **need** an SUV? try the subaru forrester before them its an SUV like they are

Both are good choices, test drive them both and buy the one you like better.

I think the Honda Pilot is a much better car overall. Drive them both and see what you think.